When To Intervene - Is Your Son Or Daughter In Distress?

Parenting is not easy. Just like teaching them to ride a bike, we want to hold on so they won't fall, but also know that they will never learn to balance themselves if we don't let go. With the increased autonomy and independence of college and young adulthood, it can be tricky determining what to do, then knowing when and how to do it. Intervening too early fosters prolonged dependence and sends the message that your son or daughter is incapable of solving his/her own problems. Wait too long or do too little and we run the risk of compromised health, wellness and/or academic success. The goal is to provide sufficient support that enables ongoing growth and development.

Signs of Possible Distress

At one time or another, we all experience some degree of distress. However, when some of the following are present, your student may be experiencing significant distress that could interfere with his or her personal and academic functioning:

• Uncharacteristic decline in academic performance
• Increased absences or tardiness from class
• Failure to complete assignments
• Persistent appearance of depression (e.g., sad mood, loss of interest, tearfulness, weight loss, withdrawal)
• Anxiety, nervousness, panic attacks, agitation, irritability, non-stop talking
• Aggressiveness, acting out, emotional outbursts
• Significant change in personal hygiene, dress, appearance
• Bizarre behavior, speech, or mannerisms
• Talk of death or suicide, either directly or indirectly (e.g., "It doesn't matter, I won't be around for the final exam." or "I'm not worried about finding a job, I won't need one.")
• Homicidal threats, either verbal or in written statements

It is important to remember that just because a student appears to be experiencing one of these signs it does not necessarily mean that he or she is in significant distress. Many of the above situations are brief and pass quickly.  However, if a student's distress appears to be severe, or you notice one or more of these signs over a prolonged period of time, then it may be necessary to intervene. If you have doubts or concerns about the seriousness of your student's problems, please consult with one of the staff members of the Counseling Center.

How You Can Help Your Student

It is common for students to experience academic, personal and social stress at various points in time while in college. Most students will successfully manage the challenges of college life. Others may have more difficulty and their experience may negatively impact their academic progress and personal development.

Parents, relatives, or caregivers are often the first to notice when a student is in distress. They may also be the first point of contact in helping a student obtain assistance. The urgency of the situation will impact the options you choose.   Response options range from

• providing support and helping the student think though options,
• asking about specific recommendations (have you been to the Learning Center, talked with anyone in the Counseling Center…),
• exploring the student’s level of self-care (sleep, diet/nutrition habits, exercise).  Student’s experience of distress often escalates rapidly when they become exhausted and overwhelmed due to lack of sleep and poor nutrition.
• contacting university staff or administrators to express your concerns (Director or New Students, Counseling Center, Campus Ministry, Residence Life, Dean of Students).

If you choose to approach your student with your concerns about his or wellbeing, you might consider some of the following suggestions (adapted from The George Washington University's Counseling Center)

TALK to your student in private when both of you have the time and are not rushed or preoccupied. Give your student your undivided attention. It is possible that just a few minutes of effective listening on your part may be enough to clarify what you are concerned about and help him or her feel cared about as an individual and more confident about what to do.

If you have initiated the contact, express your concern in behavioral, non-judgmental terms. For example, "You said you've been absent from class lately and I'm concerned," rather than "Why haven't you been going to class? You should be more concerned about your grades."

LISTEN to thoughts and feelings in a sensitive, non-threatening way. Communicate understanding by repeating back the essence of what you are hearing. Try to include both content and feelings ("It sounds like you're not accustomed to such a big campus and you're feeling left out of things.") Let your student talk.

GIVE hope. Assure your student that things can get better. It is important to help him or her realize there are options, and that things will not always seem hopeless. Suggest resources: friends, family, clergy, professionals on campus and other campus resources. You may not be able to solve your student's problems yourself, but you can assist him or her receive the help that is needed.

AVOID judging, evaluating, and criticizing even if your student asks your opinion. Such behavior may push the student away from you and from the help he or she needs. It is important to respect your student's value system, even if you don't agree with it.

REFER: A referral for counseling may be made when your student's difficulties appear to go beyond your ability to help, or when having someone on-campus to talk with would be beneficial. In making a referral it is important to point out that: 1) help is available and 2) seeking such help is a sign of strength and courage rather than a sign of weakness or failure. It may be helpful to point out that seeking professional help for other problems (medical, legal, car problems, etc.) is considered good judgment and an appropriate use of resources. For example, "If you had a broken arm you would go to a doctor rather than try to set it yourself." If you can, prepare your student for what they might expect if they follow your suggestion. Tell them what you know about the referral person or services.

FOLLOW-UP with your student again to solidify his or her resolve to obtain appropriate help and to demonstrate your commitment to assist them in this process. Check later to see that the referral appointment was kept and to hear how it went. Provide support while your student takes further appropriate action or pursues another referral if needed. Once counseling is initiated, we will be unable to speak with you about the content of the sessions (unless there is a signed release of information).

CONSULT with a psychologist at the Counseling Center at (816) 501-4275 if you have any questions or concerns about your student. Our counselors can help you assess your student's situation, suggest resources on and off campus, and help you make an intervention with your student.